James Bond Quotes reality check

When people are asked what they know about James Bond, one standard answer will always come up: “My name is Bond…James Bond.” But this legendary quote, which has been heard in almost every Bond film, is nothing compared to the multitude of quotes you could integrate into your daily life. But beware! As funny as some of the 007 puns and word plays are in the films, they can become quite treacherous when it comes to real life situations. Not every famous line will win you affection and some even have the potential to catapult you onto an interpersonal minefield. Here is our reality check:

Domino: “What sharp little eyes you´ve got.”

Bond: “Wait ´till you get to my teeth”

This quote is probably one of the most memorable of ‘THUNDERBALL’ (1965) from the scene where James Bond reveals, that he has read the first name of the Bond Girl on her ankle bracelet. In a real life situation, this line is just too cheesy to serve as an erotic innuendo. Try it and all you will get in return is a devaluating smile or laugh.

Bond: “That´s a nice little nothing you´re almost wearing”

While ‘DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER’ (1971) was by far the most comical film of the Bond series, this quote by 007 about Tiffany Case´s choice of clothing can actually be quite funny in real life when used appropriately. You should however know the person you´re saying it to and be familiar with her/his humour to avoid it being considered an insult. Then you should be okay. I have used this quote once on my best friend and she smiled when she watched the film for the first time a few weeks later.

Goldfinger: “Choose your next witticism carefully Mr. Bond, it may be your last!”

Woohoo, that´s a bold one! Aurum-loving villain Auric Goldfinger had some of the best lines in ‘GOLDFINGER’ (1963) and although this particular one is tempting to be used in a variety of business situations, you can only escape being fired by using variation. Obviously, you should try not to make it sound so deadly in the second half. Instead, use something like “…or I´ll redecorate your office with toilet paper!“. Again, be careful of who you´re speaking to! While a colleague might find this one ridiculously funny, your superior most likely won´t!

Bond: “I feel a slight stiffness coming on”

P L E A S E only use this line, uttered by George Lazenby in ‘ON HER MAJESTY´S SECRET SERVICE’ (1969), when you actually experience signs of stiffness in a medical sense! Murmuring it in the bedroom will immediately ruin any lovemaking you were apparently aiming for. Same goes for casual encounters that involve flirting or second base activity. Not only is this line incredibly daring, it´s also impolite to inform ANYONE that you´re about to get an erection.

Admiral Roebuck: “With all due respect, M, I don´t think you have the balls for this job.”

M: “Perhaps not. But the advantage is, I don´t have to think with them all the time.”

BAM! This quick-witted response by Bond´s boss “M” from ‘TOMORROW NEVER DIES’ (1997) is clearly one for the ladies, should they see themselves confronted with too much testosterone. But there is a downside. To make this wordplay work exactly as it is supposed to, you will probably have to wait until somebody tells you, that you don´t have the balls for something.

Elektra King: “There´s no point in living if you can´t feel alive”

Quite a drastic remark by the first female villain Elektra King in ‘THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH’ (1999). It can easily be misinterpreted and should thus be used with caution. Mention this in a serious conversation with a friend when you´re feeling really down and the helpful guys from the funny farm might turn up on your doorstep. On a lighter note, you can use it to justify the 007 bungee jump from the Verzasca Dam in Switzerland.

Bond: “You know, I think I´ll call that a Vesper.”

Vesper: “Because of the bitter aftertaste?”

Bond: “No, because once you´ve tasted it, that´s all you want to drink.”

Naming drinks after people is quite common, so why not try it yourself? It´s really quite simple: mix some flashy ingredients over ice, add a bit of fruit and you´re good to go. I would however advise, to think about the sound of your creation first. In Germany, for example, you don´t want to end up with a “Vodka Hildegard” or a “Dieter on the rocks”. In the US, stay away from “Dick Fizz” or “Hillary Punch” (pun intended?). Bond´s reply could serve as your answer when asked, why you named a cocktail after your counterpart. There is however the risk of sounding cheesy, if you´re trying too hard to sound as cool as Daniel Craig.

Dominic Greene: “You two do make a charming couple though, you´re both…what´s the expression? Damaged goods?”

When it´s one thing that I love about ‘QUANTUM OF SOLACE’ (2008) beside the car chase at the beginning, it´s this utterly mean line by the villain of the film. It might sound like the ordinary thing to say for a psychotic man like Greene and Bond simply ignores it, but think of the impact this quote could have when you say it to your partner whom you caught cheating on you? Biting! It´s really a wicked thing to say, but then again, some people do their best to deserve nothing less than to be degraded by you. Think twice though! Don´t carelessly stoop to somebody´s level and always consider the consequences.

Bond: “We have all the time in the World”

Again from ‘ON HER MAJESTY´S SECRET SERVICE’, this lovely and iconic line is universally usable without any restrictions. It works best in a reassuring manner when the person you´re saying it to is stressed or you need to make clear, that you´re not in a hurry or don´t want to rush things. The line is also perfect for romantic moments, but don´t overdo it or make it sound out-of-place. The correct, tender delivery solely relies on your feeling – it must come from the heart.

HONORABLE MENTION

Bond: “Phuyuck?”

Brilliantly debased by Roger Moore in ‘THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN’ (1975) is the name of a drink. Champagne no less! The only time you can use this fun quote is when someone should miraculously serve you a bottle of “Phuyuck”. Won´t happen! Sorry to disappoint you, but the bottle seen in the film was simply a Bollinger champagne with a cheap Thai label applied with glue. Anyway, the pronunciation is important: “FOO-YUK”. Priceless, and one of my favourite moments in the film!

Have you tested any Bond quotes or One-Liners in your daily life? Tell us about it in the comments section.

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