The Weekside: Why Shaq and Scottie Pippen should stay off social media

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Best of the Best

While Shaquille O’Neal’s rift with Scottie Pippen is the apex of foolishness, his original claim that the all-time Los Angeles Lakers starting five would beat all-comers is an old and interesting debate. By most accounts, the Lakers or Boston Celtics would take the trophy.

Yes, the Chicago Bulls have Michael Jordan, and a few other squads have some great depth, but there really isn’t denying the two teams that have collectively won 33 of the 66 titles the NBA has awarded.

But just for run, here is a rundown of the most formidable all-time franchise starting fives, in no particular order.

Los Angeles Lakers

  • Wilt Chamberlain
  • Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
  • Jerry West
  • Kobe Bryant
  • Magic Johnson

You could quibble with the starting five — pick two of Jerry West, Elgin Baylor and Kobe Bryant for the wings — but there’s a good possibility that Shaq won’t even get the nod. But whether you like him or Wilt in the middle, who is stopping this team? I don’t know that Los Angeles would beat the Bulls by 50, but they would certainly win. Probably by a lot.

Boston Celtics

  • Bill Russell
  • Kevin Garnett
  • Larry Bird
  • John Havlicek
  • Bob Cousy

The Celtics top five isn’t as dominant on paper as the Lakers insane gluttony of riches. Their true power comes from an arguably unmatchable depth: Dave Cowens, Paul Pierce, Kevin McHale, Jo Jo White, Ray Allen, Dennis Johnson, Tiny Archibald, Bill Sharman, Robert Parish, and on and on and on. In a single game of 5-on-5, the Lakers probably can’t be beat. But it would be equally hard to beat an all-time Celtics 15-man roster in a seven-game series — especially if Red Auerbach is coaching.

Houston Rockets

  • Moses Malone
  • Hakeem Olajuwon
  • Clyde Drexler
  • Tracy McGrady
  • James Harden

All the buckets. The Rockets will score all the buckets, and that’s with Yao Ming, Calvin Murphy, Elvin Hayes, Stevie Franchise, and Moochie Norris’ afro watching from the bench.

Philadelphia 76ers

  • Wilt Chamberlain
  • Moses Malone
  • Charles Barkley
  • Dr. J
  • Allen Iverson

Philadelphia is complicated. First there is the whole Warriors-had-Wilt-then-moved thing before he came back to play for the 76ers. But there are bigger issues than the who-owns-Wilt conundrum. (For what it’s worth, my rules say that a franchise can claim any player who ever wore their jersey — but they only get the version of that player who actually played for them. Thus, Washington doesn’t really even want Michael Jordan, and the Rockets would take a hard pass on Charles Barkley.)

The bigger question is a question of bigness: Should Barkley start? If you’re only rolling out five players, he has to. They just have to play huge and try to survive with no outside shooting. If this were actually a full 12-man roster, however, it probably makes more sense to keep Dr. J at his natural small forward spot, bring Sir Charles off the bench to spell the bigs, and roll with Billy Cunningham, Hal Greer, Bobby Jones or even Andre Iguodala at the two slot.

San Antonio Spurs

  • Tony Parker
  • Manu Ginobili
  • George Gervin
  • Tim Duncan
  • David Robinson

Though other teams may have a bit of a talent edge, a lot of these guys have actually played together. And Gregg Popovich would be coaching. I don’t think they would have enough firepower to compete with a few of the powerhouses, but if this was an actual tournament, San Antonio might be the best bet in Vegas on some underdog odds.

Chicago Bulls

  • Dennis Rodman
  • Toni Kukoc
  • Scottie Pippen
  • Michael Jordan
  • Derrick Rose

As with all these fives, there is plenty of debate about who Chicago should run with. If you want a traditional starting group, Artis Gilmore or Horace Grant (or old Pau Gasol) makes sense in the front court next to Rodman. But they aren’t beating the Lakers (or probably the Sixers either) like that. Artis is one of the more underrated players of all time, but what are he and Rodman gonna do to stop Kareem and Wilt?

The better move is to maximize talent, and that means putting Kukoc on the floor. The ball movement and pinpoint passing could create a scoring onslaught as this five runs the court in an attempt to outscore opponents. Even that probably won’t matter though. The lack of shooting and any bigs imposing enough to deal with likes of Wilt, Kareem, Shaq, Hakeem, Duncan or Robinson means that there is really no way Chicago can compete here.

It sounds crazy, but the team with the best player ever would be best served by going small and using tenacious, unhinged perimeter defense to try to pick off every pass and smoke everyone up and down the floor. And it wouldn’t even work.

Next: 10 worst awards snubs in NBA history

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