Power ranking the 10 best snacks for football season

Mar 23, 2015; Clearwater, FL, USA; Philadelphia Phillies mascot the Phillie Phanatic launches hotdogs from a cannon into the crowd during the seventh inning of a spring training baseball game against the Minnesota Twins at Bright House Field. Mandatory Credit: Reinhold Matay-USA TODAY Sports
Mar 23, 2015; Clearwater, FL, USA; Philadelphia Phillies mascot the Phillie Phanatic launches hotdogs from a cannon into the crowd during the seventh inning of a spring training baseball game against the Minnesota Twins at Bright House Field. Mandatory Credit: Reinhold Matay-USA TODAY Sports /
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2. Veggies and dip

Even with years of experience under your belt — yes, that is waistline joke — it is impossible to experience your game-day gorging entirely shame-free. Even the most seasoned football fan will reach a point in the grease-soaked afternoon when he or she looks down at the swelling food baby now rumbling loudly and feels a twinge of caloric guilt. It’s inevitable.

How should you counteract that shame? You could do some at-home exercises during halftime. (Hey, would you look at that: here’s a slideshow about at-home exercises. Convenient!) Also an option: veggies and dip.

Cue the health nuts: #Actually dip is not exactly good for you. You’d be far better off snacking on celery and air. Buzz off, weirdos. Take your sanctimony and your nutrition facts backed up by “science” elsewhere. Football season is a time for irrationality and tricking yourself into believing things you know in your heart aren’t true — hey just FYI the Ducks are winning the national title this season — not for reason and rationality.

But let’s be real: don’t just buy those prepackaged monstrosities of vegetables. They’re cheap and convenient, undoubtedly, but I have it on pretty good authority that those so-called “vegetables” are actually made of wax and botanists’ tears. Grab some fresh carrots and celery instead. Allow yourself at least a bit of dignity.

(I’d like to add here that ants on a log is a delicious snack, and if you haven’t had it since elementary school are you missing out.)

Next: 1. Beer