Power ranking the 10 best snacks for football season
By Stu White
4. Cheese and crackers
There is no better way to infuse a situation with classiness and sophistication than setting out a plate of cheese and crackers. You could have a room full of grunting, sweaty, unwashed pig-men basking in the smell of their own farts, and the addition of a cheese-and-crackers plate will instantly cause everyone to start saying things like “tallyho” and “goodness me” and “gosh, yes, the plight of the poor is ever so droll, don’t you think so, Winston?” (Winston being the butler who popped into existence when the cheese and crackers were placed on the table). When you put together cheese and crackers, your beer-stained, moth-eaten jersey magically morphs into formal attire.
The best thing about cheese and crackers, though, is how easy it is to trick yourself into thinking that they are somewhat healthy: such is the joy of carbs, sodium, and fat presented in bite-sized servings. It starts with, “I’ll just have three or four” — you know, responsible moderation — but then the next commercial break hits, and the kitchen is kind of far away, or at least seems so because you’re a bit tipsy, and oh hey look the plate of cheese and crackers is right there, perched atop the footstool, so why not pop a few more cheese-topped crackers, hmm? After all, it’s not like you’re eating pizza, right? It’s just a few crackers: no harm in that.
Oh, and when it comes to the cheese, don’t just get cheddar. Yes, cheddar is popular, but it’s also unimaginative. It’s like being a zombie for Halloween. Be bold and branch out a bit.
Next: 3. Trail mix