Meltdown Tuesday: Pimps, thieves and Rex Ryan

Per usual, this conversation is from a Slack chat between two FanSided editors, Matt Verderame and Jonathan Bass, after they worked 30+ hours between Sunday and Tuesday afternoon. 

Bass: Meltdown Tuesday. It’s the brown noise of the Internet.

Verderame: MELTDOWN TUESDAY

Bass: Guess we have to start with Andy Dalton.

Verderame: The Bengals are absolutely screwed. It’s time to forfeit the season. Dalton has finally been playing like an actual quarterback and now they have to go to A.J. McCarron? Lights out for Who Dey.

Bass: Yeah, they’re done. Feel bad for the Rifle. Dude was looking like sex personified before the game – double v-neck, ascot, awesome necklace. As for McCarron … thumbs down. Also, isn’t Who Dey racist now? I can’t keep up.

Verderame: Nothing is racist about that. People who think it is racist, are racist. That’s the funny thing about people who always scream about racism, most of them are massive racists. Also, a quarterback from the University of Alabama has not won an NFL game since 1987. Good luck boys.

Bass: Brodie Croyle couldn’t get the job done?! Really? Feel like he got at least one.

Verderame: That son of a bitch. He killed the Chiefs for years. Him and Germ Edwards. Now the Bengals are stuck with McCarron, who is already comparing himself to Tom Brady. Meanwhile, the team has Marvin Lewis on the sideline. Yikes.

Bass: Okay, perfect segue. What’s more obscene: McCarron comparing himself to Brady or Chuck Pagano comparing his team to the 2006 Colts?

Verderame: Pagano. At least McCarron is just believing in himself. Pagano is kidding himself. The Colts are absolutely terrible and have no business being near the damn playoffs.

Bass: Seriously, it’s like Little Chucky got into Papa Irsay’s pill cabinet. Peyton, Marvin, Reggie Wayne, Bob Sanders … none of those cats are walking through that door (though I’m sure Peyton can even walk at this point, and Harrison might be in jail for knocking up a liquor store in Philly).

Verderame: This team is a bunched of washed-up veterans who have nothing in the tank. Pagano is a nice guy but a middling coach and Ryan Grigson is the worst general manager in the NFL. This team sucks. Absolutely sucks.

Bass: We can all agree at this point that they should’ve cut Pagano loose and held on to Arians, right? Like they made a mistake, big time. And Grigson: can’t wait ’til the broadcast networks troll the Midwest by having he and Matt Millen announce the Colts-Lions game next year.

Verderame: Grigson has the most blood on his hands. The Colts should have built a nice defense and a terrific offensive line around Andrew Luck. The guy is a superstar, and he’ll make anybody around him look great. Instead, the guy takes a bunch of skill positions and signs horrendous players to deplorable contracts.

Bass: It’s a s–t show. Giving up 51 to the Jaguars … just burn the body and bury the remains.

Verderame: Here lies the 2015 Indianapolis Colts … what a dumpster fire.

Bass: Yet another beautiful segue. How about the horse people getting pissed at SI for naming Serena Williams the SI Sportsperson of the Year?

Verderame: People are out of their minds. Who cares? Williams is an incredible athlete and absolutely deserves the honor. Do you think the horse cares? The man is out to stud. His life is amazing.

Bass: I was cocked and ready to make a bunch of glue factory and dog food jokes, but you trumped it all with the stud quip. I’m done. F–k this day. Let’s go to lunch.

Verderame: FOOD BOIIIIIII

Bass:

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