Creating perfect sponsorships for the new NBA jersey ads.
By Ryne Prinz
Editor’s note: Earlier this week it was announced that the NBA would start to allow advertisements on their jerseys starting with the 2017 season. While this angered a fair amount of people because of things like “tradition” and “history”, we here at the Friendly Bounce don’t think that way. We think of fun, which is what Ryne did by giving teams some perfect sponsorship ideas.
Since the Sacramento Kings are pretty much a three-ring circus, it’s only fitting that they’re sponsored by one. Firing coaches is their trapeze act. Perpetual rumors are their failing lion-tamers. DeMarcus Cousins’ serial technical fouls are their elephants.
Also, as a bonus, they should put Preparation H ads on their headbands. For obvious reasons.
After years of being a defensive juggernaut under Tom Thibodeau, the Bulls looked to improve offensively by replacing Thibs with Fred Hoiberg. That didn’t happen. Chicago ranked 25th in Offensive Rating, and they fell to 15th in Defensive Rating. This is partly the result of injuries to key players, but they never truly established an identity in the 2015-2016 season.
During a successful regular season, off-the-court incidents created a strange aura around the Cleveland Cavaliers. Many of said incidents came in the form of LeBron James’ Twitter account. From cryptic subtweets to the unfollowing of the Cavs’ official Twitter, the King’s mysterious use of our beloved social media website earns a sponsorship.
Sigh. After making the Western Conference Finals last season, many expected a lot out of the Rockets to contend for the title. Instead, the Rockets barely made the playoffs and were a bit of a disaster. Lethargic play, along with a lack of chemistry, decimated the Rockets all season. James Harden’s lackadaisical defense at times said it all.
Boston General Manager Danny Ainge is an expert trader. Ainge collects picks among other assets in hopes of exchanging them for a superstar. As the trade deadline approached, the Celtics were expected to pull on a tremendous trade. No sponsor seems better suited for the Celts than Trader Joes.