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33 NFL Players To Help You Survive The Zombie Apocalypse

By Matthew Miranda

FOXBORO, MA - AUGUST 11: Rob Gronkowski
FOXBORO, MA - AUGUST 11: Rob Gronkowski /
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Aug 13, 2016; Orchard Park, NY, USA; Buffalo Bills wide receiver Marquise Goodwin (88) reaches for a pass during the first half against the Indianapolis Colts at Ralph Wilson Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Timothy T. Ludwig-USA TODAY Sports
Aug 13, 2016; Orchard Park, NY, USA; Buffalo Bills wide receiver Marquise Goodwin (88) reaches for a pass during the first half against the Indianapolis Colts at Ralph Wilson Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Timothy T. Ludwig-USA TODAY Sports /

14. Marquise Goodwin

In addition to playing wide receiver for the Buffalo Bills, Marquise Goodwin is also a United States Olympic long jumper. I’m not entirely sure how the latter fact would pay off in a zombie apocalypse. I mean, let’s say he’s getting chased, and a zombie’s just about to grab him and chomp down, and Goodwin puts his skills into effect and leaps 28 feet, which is just a hair longer than his career-best jump from the 2012 London Olympics. It’s an impressive feat, undoubtedly. Maybe even one or two of the undead, brainless as they are, would gawk in primitive wonder. But then they’d just chase him again. And I’m not sure how many consecutive jumps Goodwin could make before tiring. Long jumps don’t really make him a desired zombie apocalypse teammate. But one simple fact does: his unending streak of bad luck.

Goodwin has been incredibly unlucky with injuries since joining the Bills in 2013. In his brief pro career he’s injured his hand, his elbow, his calf, his hamstring, his knee, his ribs, his ankle, and just last week he was sidelined with a concussion. In 24 games over three seasons, he has just 20 receptions. He’s barely averaging more catches per game than you or me. Eventually the injuries have to relent, don’t they? How many times can a coin flip yield heads before finally coming up tails? A zombie apocalypse would be one more stroke of misfortune for Goodwin. You want him around when his luck finally changes.

Next: Brandon Marshall

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