33 NFL Players To Help You Survive The Zombie Apocalypse

5. Ndamukong Suh

Ndamukong Suh is 6-foot-4 and over 300 pounds. So right off the bat, he’s an intriguing force to imagine on your side in a zombie apocalypse. But as we all know, it’s not the size of the dog that matters, it’s the size of the fight in the dog. This puppy was voted the dirtiest player in the NFL by his peers and has been fined nearly a half-million dollars for “player-safety violations.” The star defensive tackle will bite, kick, yank, pull and twist with no remorse. In a street fight, you want a no-holds-barred guy like that on your side. His physical form, coupled with his propensity for violence, means natural selection would favor him during a zombie apocalypse. But it’s not Suh’s presence that means the most in such a world. It’s his larger, figurative meaning.

Suh works in a cauldron of barely-regulated, basically criminal activity. If 10 guys on the street did even once to one another what linemen do every single play, they’d all be arrested. One change of context blurs all the usual moral boundaries. Suh’s behavior may appear excessive, but what if his tendency for ultra-violence is just evidence of a more rapidly evolved worldview? What is the meaning of “too much” once the world around us no longer cares about the usual rules and etiquettes? Zombies don’t honor notions of safety. There is no safe space in an apocalypse. Suh is the hero of that world. His blurred lines become ours.

Next: Peyton Manning