33 NFL Players To Help You Survive The Zombie Apocalypse

1. Rob Gronkowski

Most of the players on this list were chosen because, in one way or another, they will help you survive a zombie apocalypse. Rob Gronkowski was chosen because he is the rare individual who will show you how to enjoy one. If there were an Apocalypse Olympics, Gronk would be Michael Phelps, Usain Bolt and the Dream Team all rolled into one.

He makes so much sense in an absurd world because he makes such absurd sense in ours. He always seems to be doing something he enjoys, on the field and off. Is there any media or headline Gronkowski could appear in whose legitimacy you’d question? If CNN reported he was dating a Kardashian, would you doubt it? If National Geographic said he trained last off-season by swimming with a family of orca whales, would you even blink?

Similarly, as post-apocalyptic society sinks into misery and chaos, Gronkowski would always see the silver lining. Too many undead wandering the neighborhood? Gronk says, “Enhanced cardio!” No stocked grocery stores for 100 miles? Gronk says, “Let’s head for the forest and catch us some grub!” Forests devoid of animal life? Gronk says, “Let’s hunt the deadliest game of all!” and gives you a grin that freezes and invigorates you. If you hope to survive the zombies, go with God. If you hope to hunt them for sport while blazing across the Alkali Flats in a jet-powered, monkey-navigated V8 Interceptor, go with Gronk.