Hypothetical Power Rankings: Nurturing homes for Nerlens Noel

It’s been hard to figure out the truth about Nerlens Noel.

We met him: a consensus No. 1 pick, the latest, greatest, and most hip-ly named jewel in John Calipari’s crown. But then: Noel was the consensus No. 1 pick in one of the weakest-ever drafts. “Trust the process” meant, for a time, to trust in none but Noel’s potential. But not so much trust. The Philadelphia 76ers have picked a big man in the lottery in each of the three subsequent drafts.

It is hard to figure out the truth about Noel, the person, too. There were the alarmingly specific details — cotton balls in the toilet? — detailing how Noel thrashed his house in a Bynum-style lapse of sanity. Then again, one can see in this preposterously awkward interview that Noel’s digs looked like nothing if not a bizarrely cramped gym (rock wall in the living room?) that had, at least, been thoroughly cleaned.

It is hard to find the truth of Noel’s value in the NBA. There was no apparent need to extend him, this fall, before his upcoming free agency, and whispers from last summer said he could be had for the price of a single year of Jeff Teague. And also: Noel averaged better than 1.5 steals and 1.5 blocks per game in his rookie year. Only one other rookie in league history has done this: David Robinson. About half of the words on HoopsRumors this regular season have been about Noel, but who else in recent history has so concretely documented their own Hall of Fame (I said it) potential?

I’ve thought that the rebuilding Sixers have been fun for years. Dang it, though, they want Noel around so little they don’t seem to mind that they’re setting flame to his trade value with the DNP-CD’s — like a car salesman who slashes the tires in the middle of his pitch. Here are the most nurturing homes across the NBA — and in this small-ball era, more teams than you’d think have a center locked into place — for Noel to unfurl his wings and realize his huge potential.

4. Brooklyn Nets

Our lofty new cap reality means that Brook Lopez’s deal is no longer a ridiculous trade possibility. The NBA was flush with players who Kenny Atkinson coached up — before he came into Brooklyn and made a reasonable rotation out of a smattering of completely available free agents. The only problem is asking Noel to start on the ground floor of yet another rebuilding project might be too much for any one human psyche to handle.

3. Golden State Warriors

With only five players under guaranteed contracts for 2017-18, Golden State’s future at center is one of the most wide-open positions on any contender’s depth chart. As Andrew Bogut showed us over the last three seasons, it’s one of the only jobs in the NBA that asks nothing more than 20 minutes of rim protection — plus a tip-in or two, if possible.

2. San Antonio Spurs

One of the only other NBA teams with comparable uncertainty at center is San Antonio, with Pau Gasol and Dewayne Dedmon facing player options going into the summer. Alright, so if San Antonio doesn’t make a move they’re probably going to be just fine bringing over Nikola Milutinov in a few years. But at some point over the last few years, best buds Gregg Popovich and Brett Brown have to have excitedly chit-chatted about Noel’s preternatural defensive instincts. Right?

Next: Freeing Nerlens Noel and other ideas from the road

1. Milwaukee Bucks

Admittedly this one takes some maneuvering, but hear me out: John Henson’s de-escalating four-year salary is entirely reasonable for the capable modern back-up, and Miles Plumlee’s slightly larger deal is, well, a mystery wrapped in an enigma. With the Bucks front office working to steer the Greg Monroe experiment towards its conclusion, stat, there are future minutes to be had in the Bucks rotation.

Jabari Parker and Giannis Antetokounmpo are both averaging 20 points per game before their 23rd birthdays — they could join the Minnesota Timberwolves as the first teammates to do that in six years. Milwaukee is in the playoffs despite missing their third-best (or maybe second-best) player all year. And as — still — a 22-year-old center himself, Noel makes one of the NBA’s youngest and largest cores even younger and larger.

Free Nerlens.

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