John Wall has transcended space and time
By Ian Levy
Basketball is a game with rules. Some of them are set by the league — you’re not allowed to take nine steps before you start dribbling the ball. Some of them are set by the natural laws of our physical world — you’re not allowed to fly or use force fields or stuff like that.
Well, as they say on elementary school playgrounds everywhere — rules were made to be broken.
Last night, in a single game, we twice had the opportunity to see John Wall transcend space and time, hewing to the rules of basketball but having some fun at the expense of physics. In this first miracle, Wall finds himself on the fastbreak with Ron Baker in front of him and a loping Carmelo Anthony on his hip. Wall takes a hard dribble with his left hand to put Baker off balance, he then teleports about four feet ahead, passing both players and setting himself up for the layup.
There are so many things to be impressed with here but, honestly, Wall’s modesty should be at the top of the list. For a player who has mastered the art of personal teleportation, it must be hard to resist the urge to embarrass an opponent. Wall could have opened a rift in the space-time continuum, landed on the top of the backboard and dropped the ball down through the hoop crowing like Peter Pan. But he’s not a show-off.
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In this second miracle, with under 24 seconds left on the clock and the Wizards protecting a one-point lead, Wall comes away with a defensive rebound. As he sprints up-court he gets Brandon Jennings leaning one way, and then rockets through a self-created wormhole, instantaneously moving three feet to the opposite side of Jennings. From there, it’s a sprint to the rim for the win-sealing dunk
This ability to stop and start time, elongate and manipulate the matter of our universe, it may seem like an unfair advantage. But remember, Wall’s only a 32.1 percent 3-point shooter so it’s all kind of a wash.