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5 simple ways to tell if you’re a Big Baller

By Gabe Henderson

Mar 4, 2017; Los Angeles, CA, USA; Lavar Ball, father of UCLA Bruins guard Lonzo Ball (2), looks on in the stands before the game between the UCLA Bruins and the Washington State Cougars at Pauley Pavilion. Mandatory Credit: Richard Mackson-USA TODAY Sports
Mar 4, 2017; Los Angeles, CA, USA; Lavar Ball, father of UCLA Bruins guard Lonzo Ball (2), looks on in the stands before the game between the UCLA Bruins and the Washington State Cougars at Pauley Pavilion. Mandatory Credit: Richard Mackson-USA TODAY Sports /
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Mar 4, 2017; Los Angeles, CA, USA; Lavar Ball, father of UCLA Bruins guard Lonzo Ball (2), poses for a selfie with Robert Pacheco at Pauley Pavilion. Mandatory Credit: Richard Mackson-USA TODAY Sports
Mar 4, 2017; Los Angeles, CA, USA; Lavar Ball, father of UCLA Bruins guard Lonzo Ball (2), poses for a selfie with Robert Pacheco at Pauley Pavilion. Mandatory Credit: Richard Mackson-USA TODAY Sports /

1. Being able to afford $495 shoes

Undoubtedly the most important trait for a Big Baller to possess. As one young man from Oakland put it, LaVar Ball is charging $495 for 2K quality shoes. Don’t believe him? See for yourself.

https://twitter.com/OceanSprayDoe/status/860283180212920321

LaVar appeared on the Dan Le Batard Show on Friday to defend the shoe’s insane price.

“I figure that’s what the shoe is worth. When you are your own owner, you can come up with any price you want,” Ball said.

With all due respect Lonzo and LaVar, I wouldn’t pay $200 for the shoes. I wouldn’t pay $200 for any shoe, but especially the ZO2’s. There are so many better ways to spend nearly $500.

Unfortunately, LaVar’s marketing strategy may not exactly result in higher sales. Bullying customers who do not buy your product is ballsy, to say the least. To quote Dodgeball‘s Pepper Brooks, “Bold strategy, Cotton. Let’s see if it pays off for ’em.”

Alas, knowing my luck, it will pay off for him.

Next: 30 best shots in NBA playoffs history

For those looking to be branded a “Big Baller”, the BBB’s ZO2’s are perfect for you. Now, fork over the $495 and continue to contribute to LaVar’s constantly-rising net worth.

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