Fansided

The 10 greatest mustaches in NBA history

By Todd Whitehead

INGLEWOOD, CA - CIRCA 1987: Artis Gilmore
INGLEWOOD, CA - CIRCA 1987: Artis Gilmore /
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NEW YORK – JUNE 28: Adam Morrison of the Charlotte Bobcats, the third overall pick, poses for a portrait backstage during the 2006 NBA Draft on June 28, 2006 in The Theater at Madison Square Garden in New York City. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2006 NBAE (Photo by Jennifer Pottheiser/NBAE via Getty Images)
NEW YORK – JUNE 28: Adam Morrison of the Charlotte Bobcats, the third overall pick, poses for a portrait backstage during the 2006 NBA Draft on June 28, 2006 in The Theater at Madison Square Garden in New York City. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2006 NBAE (Photo by Jennifer Pottheiser/NBAE via Getty Images) /

RANDOMNESS

When I sit down to watch the Westminster Dog Show on Thanksgiving Day, my favorite segment is always the Non-Sporting Group. It’s the catch-all category for misfit dog breeds not easily classified as “terriers”, “hounds” or “working dogs”. Non-sportos include wrinkly Shar Peis, adorable French Bull Dogs, and weird Schipperkes.

The following quartet is my Non-Working Group of NBA mustaches. This group celebrates the spontaneity of mustaches with a random assortment of leftovers who didn’t fit into the earlier groups.

Former commissioner Adam Stern’s mustache was the ambassador to the league for many years, welcoming each new NBA draft pick with its tiny mustache-arms wide open.

Bill Kennedy has easily the best mustache of any referee in NBA history.

The shoulder-length mustache of Seattle Supersonic mascot Squatch was the biggest in the NBA until he was laid off in 2008. Fortunately, Squatch has returned to the league, now working with NBA-sponsor Jack Link’s Beef Jerky.

Adam Morrison’s mustache peaked at Gonzaga [insert joke]. In the NBA, he got tan, he obscured his once-proud mustache with a goatee, he cropped his long hair short, and — sadly — eventually he shaved his mustache off entirely. He seems sad about it and, honestly, I am too.

But we’ll always remember that fleeting moment, when Morrison — standing in front of an oddly-textured gray backdrop — posed for a photo with his majestic mustache and his generic Bobcats-06 jersey. Thank you, Adam.

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