30 replacements for Roger Goodell
By John Buhler
17. J.J. Abrams
Nobody takes somebody else’s idea and brings it to life with special effects better than J.J. Abrams. Star Trek, Star Wars, NFL superstars? Yes, Abrams could have that covered. Abrams will find a way to market so many of the star players via commercials with pyrotechnics.
A guy could be the seventh best player on the Los Angeles Rams, but if linebacker Alec Ogletree can literally run through fire on an Abrams directed NFL commercial, his Rams jersey would immediately go into the top-five of NFL jersey sales.
Halftime shows would be bigger and more extravagant under Commissioner Abrams’ watch. None of that Left Shark doing whatever he wants to do to ruin Katy Perry’s great performance since her marriage to Russell “Aldous Snow” Brand. There would be no Infant Sorrow during Super Bowl halftime shows, unless Mr. Snow has some room in his busy schedule.
While Roger Goodell keeps on pushing games in London, Abrams is already thinking bigger picture. He would be the first commissioner to broadcast games on the moon. Think about all that untapped review circling the globe as Planet Earth’s satellite. Look for their to be an NFL team on Mars before NASA thinks about getting it together. America’s space agency is really Left Shark-ing it. Get it together, Space People!