Fansided

30 replacements for Roger Goodell

By John Buhler

Feb 6, 2016; San Francisco, CA, USA; American actor Jeff Goldblum on the red carpet prior to the NFL Honors award ceremony at Bill Graham Civic Auditorium. Mandatory Credit: Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports
Feb 6, 2016; San Francisco, CA, USA; American actor Jeff Goldblum on the red carpet prior to the NFL Honors award ceremony at Bill Graham Civic Auditorium. Mandatory Credit: Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports /
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WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA – OCTOBER 29: Singer Ozzy Osbourne attends the Gallery Opening Of ‘Social Distortion: A Capsule Collection Of Fine Art By Billy Morrison’ at Art On Scene on October 29, 2016 in West Hollywood, California. (Photo by Greg Doherty/Getty Images)
WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA – OCTOBER 29: Singer Ozzy Osbourne attends the Gallery Opening Of ‘Social Distortion: A Capsule Collection Of Fine Art By Billy Morrison’ at Art On Scene on October 29, 2016 in West Hollywood, California. (Photo by Greg Doherty/Getty Images) /

26. Ozzy Osbourne

All aboard the Crazy Train. Yes, the Prince of F&*(Y^ Darkness has to be a candidate for the position of NFL commissioner. The dude sang the lead vocals to “Iron Man” back in the late 1960s. Ozzy Osbourne is all metal all the time, except for when he’s NFL commissioner.

Osbourne would do the occasional Super Bowl halftime show by himself. Teenage boys, women that teased their hair in the high school bathrooms in the 1980s, and freaking metalheads would love it. People that like Beyoncé and Dierks Bentley would totally hate it. You probably have to be Paranoid to get “Paranoid” or whatever.

Every NFL Draft would be in Los Angeles with Osbourne as commissioner, where it should be annually because the weather is amazing. He would set the record for expletives bleeped out on every television media covering the draft.

While the pronunciation of at least three-quarters of the first round guys would be an absolute botch job, Osbourne would thrive in the photo opportunities. Who needs a picture of their grandma when you’ve got the Prince of F^(^(* Darkness to take selfies with? Osbourne’s greatest contribution to being NFL commissioner is that Mr. Irrelevant has to bite the head of a bat. Chad Kelly, you lucked out, bro.

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