30 replacements for Roger Goodell
By John Buhler
25. Trey Parker/Matt Stone (South Park)
Trey Parker and Matt Stone have been making fun of things professionally through cartoons for at least two decades. South Park has been more relevant in the last 20 years that at least three NFL franchises, especially the Buffalo Bills.
Technically, Parker and Stone have already been commissioners of a sports league, one that combined two of America’s most popular sports. Don’t tell me you have never heard of Baseketball? How hard could it be to run the NFL anyway?
Of course, we would have to know that Parker would do everything in his power to destroy the New England Patriots. He is a diehard Denver Broncos fan. Doug Reimer doesn’t care about kids, but Stone might, maybe? Stone would definitely be in charge of public relations as part of NFL “Cares.”
These Denver cartoonists are very well connected. Eric Cartman, Herbert Garrison and something called Mr. Hankey could all announce the picks at the NFL Draft. Every celebration on the field would be imaginable under Parker and Stone’s watch. However, teams cannot relocate to soccer stadiums or gambling towns. Free agency is abolished anyway because everybody knows that all the best players make all their money in college anyway, like Shaq did that one time.