Champions League group stage watchability rankings

MADRID, SPAIN - AUGUST 27: Players of Real Madrid pose for a photo with their 2016/2017 Champions League, La Liga and Bernabeu trophies ahead of La Liga soccer match between Real Madrid and Valencia at Santiago Bernabeu in Madrid, Spain on August 27, 2017. (Photo by Burak Akbulut/Anadolu Agency/Getty Images) /

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MADRID, SPAIN – AUGUST 23: Cristiano Ronaldo of Real Madrid in action during the Santiago Bernabeu Trophy 2017 match between Real Madrid and ACF Fiorentina at the Santiago Bernabeu Stadium on 23 August 2017 in Madrid, Spain. (Photo by Power Sport Images/Getty Images) /

1. Group H: APOEL, Borussia Dortmund, Real Madrid, Tottenham

I conducted an investigation. It turns out my suspicions were right: APOEL is an acronym. It’s an acronym for Athletikos Podosferikos Omilos Ellinon Lefkosias. It translates to Athletic Football Club of Greeks of Nicosia, which seems a little more complicated than it needs to be. They won the Cyprus league.

Anyway, the watchability in this group comes from Real Madrid and Borussia Dortmund while Tottenham adds the all-important Premier League factor. We got ourselves a very watchable group here, folks.

I feel like listing Real Madrid’s bonafides is like having to explain that Michael Jordan is the best basketball player that ever lived. It’s obvious. They are the defending champs and have lifted the Champions League trophy 11 times overall. Everyone knows about Cristiano Ronaldo, Gareth Bale, Luka Modric, Marcelo and Sergio Ramos.

And then there’s Borussia Dortmund. BVB were in a group with Real Madrid in the Champions League last season. BVB won the group. They have Christian Pulisic, who is probably the best American soccer player ever already and he’s 19 years old. He will be given even more responsibility this season after the departure of Dembele. Players like Marco Reus, Mario Gotze and Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang will provide enough firepower to compete with Real for first place in the group once again.

Next: GoT characters as Premier League players

Tottenham, on paper, appear to have the horses to push for advancement to the Champions League knockout rounds. Harry Kane, Christian Eriksen, Hugo Lloris and Dele Alli are world-class players. If manager Mauricio Pochettino can figure out an effective squad-rotation plan, Spurs will be dangerous both domestically and in Europe.

I think every single matchup in Group H will be highly watchable. Even the games involving The Acronyms.

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