Christmas Letters from all 32 NFL teams

Dear Santa,

It’s us again. Just dropping you our yearly letter. Are you still located in the South Pole? We’re a little worried that our letters aren’t reaching you.

Not much to update you on. We won a game since our last letter. Unless you got our last letter after Christmas. Then, we haven’t won since I last wrote you. We fired our general manager, but kept our head coach. We’ve had six quarterbacks since last year. I don’t even know if that number is correct. I lost count after three.

Santa, can I be honest with you? This is draining. I thought owning a NFL franchise would be fun. Jerry Jones makes it look like the greatest job in the world. He’s hanging out with all the players and big time celebrities. He’s getting stadiums named after him. Everyone knows who Jerry Jones is.

Me? I’m sitting here, writing someone who doesn’t exist, hoping for a Christmas miracle. In my case, a Christmas miracle would be a regular season victory. That’s what constitutes a miracle in Cleveland football. We just want a win. 96 percent of teams achieve victory within their first three games. We’re always in that four percent.

I’m sorry to depress you again. I feel like I do this every year.

Anyway, how have you been? You know, I’ve never asked this before but…..can you play quarterback? Your arm has to be pretty strong, lugging that sack full of toys around everywhere. Just think about it.

Top gift choice: Victory.
Second gift choice: Seriously. Just one.

Signed, Jimmy Haslam