25 TV Dads that would make elite MLB managers

Ron Swanson

To succeed as a MLB manager, you need a sweet mustache. Despite everything I’ve said thus far or everything I will say later one, that’s truly the one attribute you need to win a World Series. You’re probably saying, “AJ Hinch doesn’t have a sweet mustache.” Listen, AJ Hinch doesn’t have a world-class mustache because he lives in Texas, where everything is bigger. If he tried to grow a mustache, some true Texan would out-do him and Hinch’s under the nose caterpillar would look weak in comparison. Hinch doesn’t need that kind of embarrassment.

No one can grow a manly mustache like Swanson. Other MLB teams and managers would look across the field into the opposing dugout, see that mustache, and immediately concede.

It would be the smartest decision the opposing manager would ever make.

Swanson can not only out-mustache his opponents, he can out-think them. This is a man who is quick on his feet and great at managing relationships. Unless your name is Tammy. According to my research, there is no current MLB player with the name Tammy. Until someone smartens up and changes their name, Swanson is going to run roughshod on the league.

Best Fit: Colorado Rockies

We have to put Swanson in nature. I’m not sure he can function if he’s not around mountains and woods. The added benefit of being in Colorado is the beer and smoke. On second thought, this might backfire on Swanson. Maybe we should send him to Los Angeles.

Ron Swanson in L.A. traffic? I’d watch that.