Turkey vulture flew into Stephen A. Smith’s window for love, not because of his takes

Stephen A. Smith was quick to clarify that the turkey vulture that flew into his Bristol, CT office window wasn’t there to dispute sports, but to convince him to move back.

Stephen A. Smith, noted sports shock jock and winner of the coveted “Just yell loud things until you’re super rich and famous” award has gone on some pretty memorable rants over his career as an … analyst? His most recent about a bird might be one of his best.

A turkey vulture flew into a window in Bristol, Conn. Most would probably think this happened because a turkey vulture is a bird and birds are generally pretty dumb, especially when it comes to windows. Smith has a slightly different take on the situation.

According to “Stevie A,” the vulture missed him so much that it ran itself into a window to try to … I don’t know, give him a hug? Convince him to move back to Bristol? Thank him for loving all of God’s creatures? It’s hard to find any sense in these ramblings.

Apparently Stevie A doesn’t realize that turkey vultures only care about things that are dead. They feed on dead things and care very little about anything else. According to Wikipedia, a turkey vulture’s only vocalizations are grunts or low hisses — the exact opposite of Stephen A. Smith.

But hell. Content is content, right? Am I any better than Stevie A? Sitting here writing a post about his rant about a bird that eats dead things actually wanting to show him some love? If anything, that puts me below Stephen A. Smith, (dare I say it) at Skip Bayless levels of stupidity.

It’s prime Stephen A. Smith to think that a bird with the brain the size of a peanut cares about him or his awful sports takes. In fact, it’s kind of awesome that he even came up with this. Why not blame every animal encounter on something ridiculously stupid?

Oh, that squirrel I just ran over? HE JUST WANTED TO BE CLOSER TO ME! HE MISSED ME! Bruin B doesn’t just love the kids, he loves the animals too. THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED! THAT’S WHY HE RAN UNDER MY TRUCK! (Note: I didn’t actually run over a squirrel).

Let’s go easy on the guy, OK? LeBron is out of the playoffs and we already know that Stephen A doesn’t really care about hockey. There isn’t much to talk about so why not vultures? It’s not like there is much else happening in Connecticut.

Maybe the turkey vulture actually was there to see his old pal Stevie A and convince him to move back to Bristol. After all, a new ESPN segment with Stephen A. Smith talking about which animals love him and why would still be better than listening to anything Skip Bayless says.

Keep doing you, Stevie A.