5 Stages of Grief: How to recognize someone with an NHL postseason problem
By C.L. Kohuss
4. Anger
“Shoot the puck!” she yells. “Shoot it!”
You aren’t sure who she’s yelling at. It’s an ad on the television; a coffee mug in the cabinent. The game also ended yesterday.
It’s only Stage 2, the point where demons seem to have been conjured straight out of the walls and your wife is so angry that she wasted a near seven months watching sports, you swear her head will do a full 180 and she’ll start crab-walking down the stairs.
It’s here that you may find — nay, will find — a few things broken around the household; the dinner table, the shingles on the roof, the stuffing from your child’s favorite bear will be strewn about like breadcrumbs to the scene of a crime.
Your bathroom faucet has stopped working and you come to realize it’s because she removed the piping and smashed all of your video games with it.
If your bed is still in one good and decent condition, hide. Hell, dive beneath the rubble if you can squeeze in there.
Key phrases to help you identify early onset Hockey Anger:
“Come ON!”
“Where is OUR powerplay?!”
“Do WE get a powerplay sometime this game??”
“Despite scoring absolutely every goal for us this season, you SUCK!”
“I hope we trade you!” (Make sure she isn’t referring to you specifically on this one)