NXT UK recap, September 11: South Wales Squashculture

European squash

Imperium kick off the show with their usual uncomfortably fascist-adjacent shtick. Would you shocked to learn that they are here in NXT UK to protect the mat — which is sacred by the way — and to maintain the honor of their sport? They see themselves as the future of NXT UK, and warn that anyone who fails to fall in line will be met with only pain and suffering. Nice guys!

This leads in to Fabian Aichner and Marcel Barthel squashing the living hell out of local talent Danny Jones and Harry Green. Or as their entrance graphic calls them “DANNY/HARRY.” Yes, Imperium are so tough and severe, why they’ll beat the crap out of a couple of guys you never heard of!

After making quick work of DANNY/HARRY, the also styled in all-caps WALTER smacks Danny Jones in the face, removes his jacket to show how serious he is, and then levels the poor Danny with the same clothesline he used to defeat Tyler Bate. Aside from being needlessly cruel, the only problem here is that WALTER is wearing Vans sneakers. Sorry, but it’s impossible to be threatening while wearing Vans. WALTER wearing Vans is exposing the business.

Anyway, Imperium continue to look impossibly tough for anybody to beat. It feels extremely likely that this round of beating up on skinny Welsh guys was a mere prelude to Aichner and Barthel beating up on some other skinny Welsh guys and bulldozing their dream title reign.