2023 NFL Draft: 5 rookies who landed on perfect teams

Devon Achane will do extraordinary things running the ball for Mike McDaniel

Hat tip to my fellow long-haired bretheren and southern football stooge Cody Williams for bringing this pick to my attention. We usually rip on Texas A&M for their cultish ways, bad hiring practices and molasses-inspired offensive game plans, but Devon Achane was so dope for the Aggies. Even better, he is going to a place where he will thrive out of water in the Miami Dolphins.

I trust Mike McDaniel to put Achane in advantageous situations to succeed in the ground game. When Achane hits pay dirt from 75 yards out on a well-designed scamper, we will look at McDaniel on the sidelines in between vape pen rips and see that Michael “Squints” Palledorous look on his face. Even Wendy Peffercorn would have been impressed by this salacious touchdown.

With the confidence of a pre-internet, late 1980s Dan Marino, f*****g send it! Achane joins a Miami arsenal featuring the likes of Tyreek Hill and Jaylen Waddle already. Even if Marino and Tua Tagovailoa’s collective Wonderlic scores combine to be roughly my age, everybody and their brother can see why you take the points with Miami. Marino didn’t take the points in Ace Ventura…

Laces in or out, Achane joining forces with the ‘Phins down in South Beach should be a cool time.