Big 12 Football: 5 incredibly early bold predictions for the 2023 season

1. A new Big 12 entrant will face the Red River Rivalry winner in Arlington, aight

Life update: I have filled up my bathtub up with ice and am going to have somebody extract one of my kidneys to sell on the black market so I can have enough money to fund my growing gambling addiction I haven’t even fleshed out yet! My plan is to make this big bet in Las Vegas: The Big 12 championship will be between the Red River winner and one of those new guys joining the league.

I do realize this roughly equates to three-sevenths of the league, but I’m a man with a plan with potentially one less kidney. There is no reason to filter this big dumb sports stooge animal because that clearly hasn’t worked up to any point in my so-called life. Basically, it will be Oklahoma or Texas vs. either BYU, Cincinnati, Houston or UCF in Arlington on that first Saturday of December.

For entertainment purposes, I want it to be Texas vs. UCF. That way, we get Steve Sarkisian vs. Gus Malzahn. No Touching vs. U Can’t Touch This. Air vs. Ground. Burnt Orange vs. Sunburnt. SXSW vs. WDW. At this point in time, this is the only logical outcome any unbiased Big 12 college football fan could ever hope for. Texas leaving the Big 12 with UCF joining it for one most awkward soiree.

This dinner party featuring Raising Cane’s and Waffle House will taste so good and will later kill us.