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The Armchair Quarterback’s Guide To The NFL: Evolution of the TE

By Lyle Graversen

Dec 29, 2013; New Orleans, LA, USA; New Orleans Saints tight end Jimmy Graham prior to kickoff of a game against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Mercedes-Benz Superdome. Mandatory Credit: Derick E. Hingle-USA TODAY Sports
Dec 29, 2013; New Orleans, LA, USA; New Orleans Saints tight end Jimmy Graham prior to kickoff of a game against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Mercedes-Benz Superdome. Mandatory Credit: Derick E. Hingle-USA TODAY Sports /
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The Armchair Quarterback’s Rant Of The Week

Jun. 30, 2013; Colorado Springs, CO, USA: Traffic drives up the mountain prior to the Pikes Peak International Hill Climb. Mandatory Credit: Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports
Jun. 30, 2013; Colorado Springs, CO, USA: Traffic drives up the mountain prior to the Pikes Peak International Hill Climb. Mandatory Credit: Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports /

Let me preface this week’s rant by saying I just returned from a 12 day family vacation where we drove from Wichita, Kansas all the way down to Orlando, Florida. For those wondering, that’s about a 21 hour drive each way. So it’s with the memory of all that road time fresh in my mind that I say the following.

If you aren’t driving at least five miles an hour over the speed limit, STAY THE @%#& OUT OF THE LEFT LANE!!!!!

Yes, feel free to pass a car moving slower than you are driving, but then GET BACK TO THE RIGHT LANE. Some of us like to drive faster than you do. If a car comes up behind you and you don’t get over when you can it’s basically the same as flipping the car behind you the bird. It’s disrespectful. Some states even have signs posted instructing you to get over. Now, in case you aren’t sure what to do in certain situations, I’m going to help you out. Here are some general rules to follow:

1. If there isn’t a car in the right lane, move over. There really is no exception here, get out of the way. I don’t care if you want to pass another car coming up, get out of the way until you get to it.

2. If you are driving 71 MPH and the car in front of you in the right lane is driving 70 MPH and you look up to see if it’s clear to pass and see a car rapidly approaching, wait the five seconds it will take to let that car pass you before you pull out to pass the car that is barely moving faster than you are.

3. This is a big one. NEVER, and I mean NEVER, drive the exact same speed as the car beside you in the right hand lane. If you do this I promise you the drivers backed up behind you are plotting how to kill you. I’m not talking about a quick easy death either, they’re imagining long, drawn out, painful deaths. I’m not saying I have done that, just that I completely understand why someone else might. If you find yourself in that situation, simply speed up for 10 seconds to pull in front of the car beside you and then get over. If you don’t, just know that you are putting yourself in danger of potential road rage.

4. If there isn’t a car in the right lane, move over.

5. If you get passed by a car driving in the right hand lane, you have failed at driving. It’s not that the car that passed you was reckless or too impatient, you are in the wrong. This is not up for debate. If you had followed rule #1 this wouldn’t have happened. The best thing you can do is get over after they pass so it doesn’t happen again.

6. IF THERE ISN’T A CAR IN THE RIGHT LANE, MOVE OVER!!!!

Next up the “Beer Review of the Week”…..

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