Evan Turner goes hard on Twitter on All-Star reserve selection night
When you think All-Star, you think Evan Turner.
I broke the paragraph there to give you time to agree with me.
Anyway, there’s been a lot of things happening with the Chicago Bulls lately. They’re losing a lot. All the spacing fears people had before the season are becoming real. This is leading to people being unhappy. Rajon Rondo isn’t happy, but he’s been somewhere for more than a couple weeks, so that’s to be expected. My vets tell me the expected lifespan for my pet flounder is going to be about three years. The Bulls are floundering, and it didn’t even take that long. Are these things related? Are they related to Evan Turner?
Not especially. But here, look at an interesting thing he said:
I wonder if rondo is willing to fight wade or butler on the undercard of the Soulja boy/Chris brown event. A Catch weight would be needed...
— Evan Turner (@thekidet) January 27, 2017
This is the best idea since the Boston Celtics decided to use cap space for someone other than Evan Turner. That was just a joke. I like Evan Turner as a person, and sometimes as a basketball player. Some people don’t.
Sign a waiver and I'll run your fade. But don't get mad when I drop you and give you a wedgie... https://t.co/J4UliO5n7k
— Evan Turner (@thekidet) January 27, 2017
Thinking ahead to get a waiver signed is a vet move. What he doesn’t bring in Real Plus-Minus, he brings in savvy. Tip of the cap to The Starters with the wedge shout-out as well. That probably wasn’t what he meant, but I don’t know what things mean.
lol be greatful for the acknowledgement. I'll see you when I stop by Long's bakery in Indy. You still work da early bird shift?
— Evan Turner (@thekidet) January 27, 2017
Everyone loves bakeries, and not everyone means to be mean. Sometimes there are fun little joke punches thrown haphazardly like packets of butter at a particularly boring wall on a particularly boring night.
I see why some of you troll people on ig because the comebacks show me some of you are the butt of people's jokes face to face lol
— Evan Turner (@thekidet) January 27, 2017
Evan Turner doesn’t let boring nights happen. Following Evan Turner is like following a speeding car on a freeway. It’s a great idea as long as you ignore everything that makes it a bad one.
Thats real life boy, I'll die bout my form lol https://t.co/OzYoIQQe9J
— Evan Turner (@thekidet) January 27, 2017
We’re being playful now. If we’re going to be playful on Twitter, we might as well talk about the Twitter God-King, Joel Embiid while we’re at it.
Them buls was drawn for not puttin da young bul in that jawn. Real rap https://t.co/KfvNWYS0tg
— Evan Turner (@thekidet) January 27, 2017
The realest of raps.
This was fun and all, but if The Magic School Bus taught me anything it’s that fun needs context. It needs a lesson to be worthwhile. If it’s not a field trip you’re just being kidnapped by a weird lady with orange hair.
A little trash talk and slander is fun. But please let it be somewhat true and please know what you're talking bout lol
— Evan Turner (@thekidet) January 27, 2017
And there you have it. It’s important to have knowledge. Knowledge is good.
Focus on gettin a record deal lol doo doo ass bars. You will go plastic https://t.co/9IOgW0OfVR
— Evan Turner (@thekidet) January 27, 2017
May we all go plastic.