Man of Steel: A Pessimistic Superman Forecast

Josh Klein is a writer for FanSided partner BroJackson.com. For more great content, head on over to Bro Jackson and check out Josh’s work.

Pop culture is flat-lining.

Hollywood can’t come up with anything relevant and original, and even when they do and it succeeds, it’s not really all that new, just an exaggerated version of the ending of something old. The top movie of 2012 was the culmination of three other movies, each movie was the culmination of comic books from the 1960s, and one of those original movies begat the top movie of 2013. Confused? Well, let me simplify it for you.

Other than the blue men that jumped from the mind of James Cameron, the last time an original idea was the top grossing film of the year, it was 1998. Rather than produce original ideas, Hollywood has chosen to reboot entities for the second time that were rebooted in the first place less than a decade ago, even telling the same stories for a new, slightly younger generation. Somewhere out there, the next Spidey just turned10. The most anticipated television show of the year? A show whose last season was in 2006.

And so we find ourselves on the eve of yet another reboot, this one only seven years old; the 2013 version hopefully the beginning of a franchise which will lead to other franchises which will ultimately lead to one mega-franchise to battle the other mega-franchise which will be releasing a sequel in 2015.

While “Man Of Steel” has gotten good early reviews, the cynic in me has doubts about what Hollywood can do with my favorite characters after being disappointed by recent offerings. I decided to re-watch Hollywood’s last attempt at Kal-El, “Superman Returns,” and I started seeing some eery similarities. It may be seven years later, but it seems like we’re doomed to repeat ourselves.

1) Casting A Relative Unknown As Superman

When Brandon Routh was cast as The Man Of Tomorrow in 2006, his biggest role had been as Wade in the *ahem* less-than-stellar TV series Undressed. 2013 Big Blue Boy Henry Cavill has had more success, with a beefy role in The Tudors under his belt, but is it so hard to cast someone who we know can open a movie?

When Man Of Steelco-producer Christopher Nolan was casting his last incredibly successful superhero movie (another reboot, but you already knew that) his caped crusader had already put together an impressive acting resume. Same went for Iron Man and Spider-Man. While Routh did his best Christopher Reeve impression, he wasn’t up to the role, and I’m not sure Cavill will be either. Was Dean Cain not available?

2) Hiring a Director With a VERY Spotty Record

When Warner Bros. handed the reins to Bryan Singer for 2006’s trip to Krypton, he had made five films, one of which was absolutely spectacular, two were mediocre attempts at portraying a beloved group of comic book superheroes, and the other two were, well, not that good. Zack Snyder, on the other hand, has under his belt two excellentmovies, a mediocre attempt at portraying a beloved group of comic book superheroes, one absolutely awful movie, and a weird movie about owls.

While Snyder has a distinct style, and I’m actually excited to see if he can get action sequences like this into the movie, he may not have the deft touch for the relationship between Lois & Clark, which was one of the main problems with the 2006 iteration. The lack of chemistry between Routh & Bosworth undermined the entire movie, and if Cavill and Adams have the same problem, we may be in for a long 143 minutes.

3) The Writers AKA Oh God, The Humanity

Main Writers – Superman Returns – Screenplay: Michael Dougherty & Dan Harris
Credits:
X2
Urban Legends: Bloody Mary

Yikes.

Main Writer – Man Of Steel – Screenplay: David S. Goyer
Credits:
Death Warrant
Kickboxer 2: The Road Back
The Crow: City Of Angels
Nick Fury: Agent Of Shield
Blade
Zig Zag
Blade II
Blade: Trinity
Batman Begins
Jumper
The Unborn
Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance

At least Goyer is more experienced, and has the ability to write good movies. He also has the ability to write Jumper, so there’s that.

Just to be clear, I have high hopes for Man Of Steel there’s a lot to like: Story by Christopher Nolan! Black Perry White! Michael Shannon! There’s just a lot of things that scare me: Kevin Costner! A large chunk of the movie is set on Krypton! That scene where Supes is on fire in the preview looks fake as shit! Russell Crowe!

But hey, how bad can it be? Look at that score on rotten tomatoes! Oh shit, where does that link go? It doesn’t matter whether this movie is good or not, we can always wait for the reboot in 2021. Hope you’re ready Alex Pettyfer.