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Watch Lionel Messi break some ankles (video)

By Stanford Crissey

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Lionel Messi is on an ankle-breaking rampage lately.

Lionel Messi has apparently decided that he doesn’t want anyone else to have working ankles.

Messi ruined Jerome Boateng’s life on Wednesday, pulling a devastating move on the Bayern Munich defender that has many fans wondering if Boateng is still alive.

But apparently that wasn’t enough for Messi, who seems to have reacted to last year’s World Cup final loss like Catelyn Stark in Game of Thrones, turning into Stoneheart and demanding vengeance. In Messi’s case, “vengeance” means that he will break the ankles of all defenders, everywhere:

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It wasn’t enough for Messi to embarrass Boateng so thoroughly that someone changed his Wikipedia page to say that he died that day on the field. No, “Stoneheart” Messi had to go and claim another victim, this time Inigo Martinez of La Liga rivals Real Sociedad.

Messi simply will not rest until all ankles, everywhere, are broken. He is on a rampage, and no one can stop it. All we can do is pray we are not his next victim. If you find yourself on a soccer field, or any kind of field, late at night, and you see a small man coming toward you, know this: your ankles are not safe. You cannot run. You cannot hide. You can only ask for mercy.

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