5 unrealistic dreams for the 2015 NBA Finals
By Stu White
5. Riley Curry Goes Heel
Riley Curry’s rise to stardom during the Western Conference Finals trumped any of the on-court action, and with good reason. Adorable, hilarious, and overall more interesting than the tired, uninformative responses normally given by players at post-game press conferences, the two-year-old buzzing ball of cuteness and attitude became a sort of emotional Turing test: If you found her podium antics charming, then — congratulations! — you have a soul that has yet to be fully frosted-over by age and cynicism. In contrast, if you found her to be obnoxious, bothersome, and somehow disrespectful to the sanctity of the post-game presser, well, you are either a) an unloving monster with a shriveled heart, or b) an unfeeling, humorless, holier-than-thou sportswriter (read: a sportswriter).
When it comes to Riley Curry’s next act, I hope she takes a page from the numerous memes made in her honor and goes full-on heel when it comes to dealing with the self-important press. (For those unfamiliar with professional wrestling’s colorful jargon, a “heel” is a “bad guy.”) I want to see outright antagonism and disdain from her. I want her to cut down reporters’ inflated egos and to attack their inane, pointless questions like a toddler Gregg Popovich. I want the ubiquitous sanctimony and self-seriousness of the basketball press to crumble under her judgmental gaze. Riley Curry: Adorable Child was a revelation, and the sequel — Riley Curry: Unrepentant, Chops Bustin’ Antagonist to the Mainstream Press — could only be even more enjoyable.
(But really, I’d settle for any more Riley Curry, even if it’s in a non-snarky, non-heel capacity. How could you not love this kid?!)
Next: 4. Reggie Miller sneak attack