25 NBA players who can help you survive a zombie apocalypse

8. Mo Speights

I don’t necessarily know if Mo Speights is going to help you survive. Maybe he will. He seems to succeed at things he has no business succeeding at. He has Savantish qualities.

So just maybe he’s really good at firing off long distance blasts toward mobs of ugly dead person things. Maybe he’ll fit in as a valuable backup to a larger group of zombie hunters. Maybe he stores the antidote in that little thingy on his head. All sorts of possibilities are there.

But maybe you’ll just die. Maybe the apocalypse isn’t really Mo’s thing.

I feel like it could be okay, though. We all die eventually, right? The best we can ask for is to die quickly and painlessly.

Well, that’s too much to ask for when zombies want to chew through your eyes to eat the interior of your skull. The best you can ask for is to die with Mo Speights.

I think he’d make you feel okay about it. I feel like he’d bring a smile to my face.

It’s hard not to be happy watching Mo Speights play basketball. I feel like the happiness just multiplies exponentially with physical proximity. I’ve never tested this theory, but in my heart I believe it to be true. If I’m feeling my brain being torn from my spine by some monster’s teeth, I think I want Mo Speights to be there. I think that’d help on some metaphysical level.

I want my apocalypse to be a positive experience.