25 NBA players who can help you survive a zombie apocalypse

6. DeMar DeRozan

Analytics tells us that DeMar DeRozan should not be having the season he’s having. His type of game at this ridiculous level is not sustainable. Mid-range shooting is on the out. Lack of a threat from beyond the arc is a big minus. Shooting guards need to stretch the floor.

They also need to defend. DeMar has the athleticism to succeed at that end, but those moments are few and far between. Maybe it’s instinct. Maybe it’s effort.

Kyle Lowry is the real key to the Raptors success. DeMar would not be doing what he’s doing if he was on his own. In a different situation, on a different team, DeMar would be worse than a liability.

The numbers say no.

But screw the numbers. This is the apocalypse. The eye test tells me DeMar is fantastic. Not a lot of things can be sustained during a world-wide death carnival. DeMar is a resource. I’m going to bank on his run continuing and then translating into some means of survival.

There’s also the unexpected wild card fact of Toronto being in Canada. Maybe the apocalypse isn’t happening there. If DeMar is on my side, he might be all “Dude, just fly out here. We’re good. Toronto is pretty nice, and Tim Hortons stays open pretty late.”

Look, I don’t know what the rules of this zombie event is despite the fact I’ve been making them up as I go. Just fly to Canada before the borders close, and figure out the rest later. DeMar will bring you a donut.