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25 NBA players who can help you survive a zombie apocalypse

By Matt Rutkowski

Oct 18, 2016; Columbus, OH, USA; Cleveland Cavaliers forward LeBron James (23) against the Washington Wizards at the Jerome Schottenstein Center. The Wizards won 96-91. Mandatory Credit: Aaron Doster-USA TODAY Sports
Oct 18, 2016; Columbus, OH, USA; Cleveland Cavaliers forward LeBron James (23) against the Washington Wizards at the Jerome Schottenstein Center. The Wizards won 96-91. Mandatory Credit: Aaron Doster-USA TODAY Sports /
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Dec 6, 2016; Memphis, TN, USA; Philadelphia 76ers center Joel Embiid warms up prior to the game against the Memphis Grizzlies at FedExForum. Mandatory Credit: Nelson Chenault-USA TODAY Sports
Nelson Chenault-USA TODAY Sports /

18. Joel Embiid

We don’t know what Joel Embiid will become. Technically it’s taken a couple years in the NBA for him to become what he is now, but whatever. That’s immaterial. We’re ignoring that. Moving on. Good.

In actual playing time, Joel Embiid has become a surprisingly efficient, and majestically effective one-man force. How many other rookies have Twitter accounts to inform us whether or not he’s playing? Based on my complete absence of research, none, and that’s not a lot.

So we agree that the NBA is a new thing to Joel. In a very short time, he’s already become a star. What this tells us is that this man can adapt to his circumstances very quickly and perform at a high level. And he can inspire. He inspired me to be much taller and 10 years younger and be in the NBA as well. Time will tell how that goes.

In the event of being overrun by zombies, none of us really know what to expect. What’s going to matter is drive and versatility. What if these zombies can fly? Man, that sucks, but Joel will find a way to get them anyway. What if these zombies have actually been zombies for years and have much more zombie experience than Joel? Who cares? Joel can still truck them.

I want this guy on my team. If healthy, there’s no better zombie eradicator to build around. We just have to hope this apocalypse doesn’t occur one day after a another one because Joel won’t be there. At least then we’ll still have his Twitter. Unless we don’t.

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