One crazy trade every NBA team should make

2. Sacramento Kings

This is like going to a buffet and wondering what you’re going to have first. Except the buffet is really cheap, and the buffets you’re trying to trade with are better stocked and don’t have entrees that will punch you in the face.

You can blame the entrees for being punchy, but this seems more like an issue with the chefs, the head chef most of all. Except the head chef is all “I’m empowering my sous chefs to do what they do best, and I am not domineering and in control any more. Trust me, guys. Have I ever done anything wrong?” and you’re at your table wondering where your diet coke is and why the water has lice.

But this is the buffet we’re at and these are the dishes we have available. A perfectly cooked filet mignon with a sauce that went off from improper refrigeration. Some uncooked asparagus. Some pizza that has been microwaved a few times but keeps getting put out next to the filet because throwing away a pizza slice is bad. Maybe some salt and pepper packets glued together to look like people. They are people. They’re looking at you, and they’re not happy. “Why are you here?” they ask you. I don’t even know how I got here. Why is the exit melting?

We need to leave, and we need to leave now. We can only save one person, though. It’s going to be Omri Casspi because everyone else has either given up on themselves or are worth giving up on.

The Sacramento Kings roster to The Void for Omri Casspi’s life.