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NBA Tank Rankings: Cleveland Cavaliers make an appearance

By Matt Rutkowski

Jun 23, 2016; New York, NY, USA; A general view of the podium and stage before the first round of the 2016 NBA Draft at Barclays Center. Mandatory Credit: Jerry Lai-USA TODAY Sports
Jun 23, 2016; New York, NY, USA; A general view of the podium and stage before the first round of the 2016 NBA Draft at Barclays Center. Mandatory Credit: Jerry Lai-USA TODAY Sports /
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Mar 27, 2017; New York, NY, USA; New York Knicks general manager Phil Jackson laughs during the second quarter against the Detroit Pistons at Madison Square Garden. Mandatory Credit: Adam Hunger-USA TODAY Sports
Mar 27, 2017; New York, NY, USA; New York Knicks general manager Phil Jackson laughs during the second quarter against the Detroit Pistons at Madison Square Garden. Mandatory Credit: Adam Hunger-USA TODAY Sports /

3. New York Knicks

Reaction traction from the distraction faction – 90/100

Weak week for the Knicks. Their relaxing at their cool baseline of “overwhelmingly distracted.” That’s a nice place to be for anyone else, but I expect more from these guys. It gets them the three spot and not a Penny Hardaway more.

Here are some ideas going forward:

Change Kurt Rambis’s name to Kurt Rambo. Give him face paint and a people to shoot tshirt guns at and have him “accidently” fire a XXL shirt that says “Rambo Fever Sponsored by The New York Knickerbockers” Derrick Rose’s knee. Distracting questions will follow. Perfect.

Get Joakim Noah suspended for ingesting bad stuff. Oh, they did and no one cared too much. Scratch that.

Get Joakim Noah suspended for doing whatever it takes to become Spiderman and have him not show up to games because he’s busy defending New York from squirrels. “Are squirrels more important than basketball?” we’ll debate. It will go on for days. This is also a good idea.

Have Kristaps Porzingis skateboard in games. It doesn’t have to be the whole game, but maybe the first part of the first and third quarters. Have him claim to be Tony Hawk and don’t let the announcers act like they know differently. “Devin Booker may have hit 70, but has he ever hit a 900?” he’ll say in his press conferences when he’s in Tony Hawk mode. Drama will follow.

Have Dolan get in a jersey and sit on the player’s bench. He doesn’t have to play, he just has to look like he’s thinking about it.

We’ll touch base next week and see how these things play out.

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