30 replacements for Roger Goodell
By John Buhler
Roger Goodell has been NFL commissioner for over 10 years now. He’s done some good things and other stuff. Here are 30 people who could replace him.
If you like football and money, you probably like Roger Goodell more than you think you do. He is the often-ridiculed commissioner of the NFL. While television money has never been better than under Goodell, California doesn’t exactly know what it’s doing about stadiums and domestic violence is never funny.
There’s always at least one professional sports commissioner in the United States that just kind of does whatever he wants. It used to be Bud Selig doing everything in his power to help turn the Milwaukee Brewers into an MLB powerhouse. 20 years worth of work amounted to like two playoff appearances for the Brew Crew. Bummer, man.
Anyway, let’s just say ‘term limits’ are like a thing in the NFL and that Goodell has to say sayonara after his third term after 12 years of service. Overall, Goodell has done alright, but what if there is somebody out there that could take the job of NFL commissioner to the next level? Here are the 30 people we have to consider for potentially replacing Goodell if that’s what it takes.
30. Rob Lowe
He’s so charming. Rob Lowe could be a million years old and he would still look better than you did on the best day of your life. After “literally” carrying Parks and Recreation for the last seven seasons because his work partner was into calzones and claymation, Lowe “literally” remade himself as the best pusher of DirecTV you’ve ever seen.
Not only did Lowe do more for on-air ads than those scoundrels on Mad Men, he technically pushed more NFL Sunday Ticket packages than all the Manning Brothers combined. If you need to see all of your favorite teams out of market because he decided to be difficult and the local team just ain’t gonna cut it, you have to be Team Lowe over Team Manning every day.
When Lowe does the NFL Draft in some random city that is NEVER getting a Super Bowl, the idiot fans dressed in their favorite Tim Tebow jersey will ask themselves, “Why is this Los Angeles Lakers general manager Rob Pelinka on stage? Doesn’t have a 25-win dumpster fire of basketball team to rebuild? Magic can’t be happy about this.”
Telegenic and energetic, we all know that Lowe would dominate on camera. No, he’s not going to jump on a couch like America’s favorite diminutive action hero (Kevin Hart? Duh), but we will never be able to take our eyes of Lowe. His approval rating would be 100 percent because if you don’t like Rob Lowe, then you don’t like human beings.