30 replacements for Roger Goodell
By John Buhler
28. Rob Riggle
Pow! Pow! Yes, you inevitably knew that Rob Riggle was going to make this list, right? He does such phenomenal work on the silver screen and on FOX NFL Sunday making at least two atrocious picks a week that Terry, Howie and The Boys can laugh at because he got some barbecue on his Elvis Grbac Chiefs jersey.
Riggle knows how to have a good time. At least one of every 10 words he says is some variation of an interjection. There are more !’s on a teleprompter for when commissioner Riggle reads out guys than anything in the history of teleprompters. 100 percent a better use of ‘symbols’ than that late dude from the Twin Cities that liked pancakes and purple or something.
Riggle would be amazing at dealing out punishments as the commissioner of the NFL. He’d use something called a desk pop, yell at you while you try to sell helicopters for that guy that tried to ruin Parks and Rec, or his favorite, handcuff you to a sweaty Galifinakis AND a toothless Helms. Riggle shows no mercy as judge, jury and executioner for the NFL.
One would have to expect that there would be more pyrotechnics at the NFL Draft in a cold, small market city than you’d probably see during a Metallica concert. Rob Riggle is all energy, all the time. He’s not as charming or as handsome as Rob Lowe, but he’s pretty close. Plus, the Kansas City Chiefs need to be respected for their ability to tread water in the AFC forever.