The definitive Halloween candy identity of every NBA team

Charlotte Hornets: The Jolly Rancher that came out of the plastic wrapping

It’s hard to find much to dislike about the Charlotte Hornets. There also isn’t a ton to like either. Last year, they hung around looking somewhat frisky until the frisk turned to bricks right around January. There was no recovery, despite Nic Batum playing fairly well and Kemba Walker looking like an All-Star for much the season. It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t offensive. They were just kind of there.

This season looked like it was about to go down a similar path. Maybe a blue raspberry or maybe a cherry. There are a lot of great Jolly Ranchers flavors. It seems they decided to go with Pocket Lint instead.

Losing Batum is bad. That alone would have demoted the Hornets to green apple, but that wasn’t the worst negative. They also decided to cost the team by trading for the presence of Dwight Howard. The dude loves candy. He probably took all the wrappers off on his own so that no one else would eat them. I bet it worked too.

This leaves people watching the Hornets with a choice. How much do you really like Jolly Ranchers? How recently have you done your laundry? Can you just brush the pieces of dust off the candy and go for it pretending that nastiness isn’t there, or do you just move on and hope another house has something more edible?

I don’t know what the right answer is, and I have no interest in finding out. I don’t intend to give much more thought to the Hornets this year. Starting now.