The definitive Halloween candy identity of every NBA team

Cleveland Cavaliers: King-size Kit Kat

Kit Kats are good. Four-year-old me would have disagreed, but four-year-old me was an idiot. He wanted to grow up to be a sprinkler repairman. I don’t know if it was low standards or what, but look at me now, Mom. I’m writing about candy.

Kit Kat bars are, according to the advertising, all about sharing.

“Break me off a piece,” they say.

“Of that Kit Kat Bar,” they continue.

That’s usually not a huge problem. Four Kit sticks can be an overwhelming amount of Kat. Kit Kat comes with clear breakage delineation. You snap off a bar, give it to a loved one or passerby, and move on with your life with three bars remaining. That’s more than enough for a single person’s consumption.

But there are only four. What if you have LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Isaiah Thomas, Derrick Rose, Kevin Love, J.R. Smith, Jeff Green, Kyle Korver, and so on all vying for their own piece? Someone is going to be left wanting.

What is one to do? Do you convince a few that they don’t get any Kit Kat? LeBron is the best player in the world, he’s got to get an entire bar to himself. But what does that mean for the remaining three? Is there an equitable way to split them? Is it even appropriate to do without the snapping lines?

These are difficult questions for Tyronn Lue to consider. A Kit Kat is good, but it presents problems. Delicious problems, but problems nonetheless. Maybe Derrick Rose will just get a tummy ache and leave forever.