The definitive Halloween candy identity of every NBA team

Chicago Bulls: Whatever’s left in the bag after your older neighbors finish their “trades” with you

“Hey Matt, I know you like Bit-O-Honey. I’ll trade you one for your pile of Airheads.”
“Um…”
“Deal!”

“Hey, Matt. Have you ever tried white chocolate?”
“I don’t think so.”
“I’ll give you these white chocolate Hershey Kisses for your Crunch Bars.”
“Um…”
“Deal!”

Then at the end of the night, you’re left with a pile of rubbish in roughly the same shape as the meta-diaphyseal junction of the fifth metatarsal in Cameron Payne’s right foot. These are not memories I care to revisit, but if we’re talking about the Bulls it only seems fair that I invoke my own pain.

There’s nothing left here anymore. Where there was once Jimmy Butler and Taj Gibson and first round picks only the ghost of Doug McDermott remains. How many times can you trade a dollar for 14 cents dimes before you’re broke? I don’t know, but since GarPax appears to be getting a contract extension, we might soon find out.

At some point in training camp, Robin Lopez must have had the thought he was the best player on the floor. That was probably terrifying for him. It was terrifying for me.

Zach LaVine can dunk really well and can score a lot when he shoots a lot. Unfortunately, his team has been better with him sitting than with him playing each of the past three years.

Kris Dunn hit the high point of his career when 46.7 percent of NBA GM’s predicted he’d win Rookie of the Year. He didn’t. He extremely didn’t.

And these are the Bulls’ big three.

Trades are a good way to avoid diabetes.