Every NBA team’s worst Thanksgiving road trip companion

Miami Heat: Hassan Whiteside

“Matt, Joel tweeted at me again.”

“You know, Hassan, you can let it go.”

“I don’t want to. He said I’m extremely ass.”

“We both know that’s not true, Hassan. You’re a quality basketball player.”

“I’m going to take a shot at the amount of games he’s played since he was drafted. Did you know in the three years since he was drafted, he’s only played 31 games? If anything is ass, it’s that. Extremely ass.”

“Are you sure you want to go that way with this?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you were drafted in 2010. You didn’t play your 31st game until five NBA seasons later. It’s kind of hypocritical, don’t you think?”

“…”

“…”

“I’m gonna do it.”

“Suit yourself.”

I feel like the rest of the car ride would go that way. We’d workshop tweets back and forth, and I’d want to dip out, and I wouldn’t get the chance.

I like Mr. Whiteside (especially when he shoots threes), but this is a losing battle. Joel Embiid is probably the most beloved NBA athlete on Twitter. The Trump #NBAVote tweet was excellent. The calling for Whiteside to be pulled off the court was also great. These are things that can be shared around and laughed at and enjoyed very easily in the current age.

Whiteside is well-spoken, and he has a cool story to his emergence in the NBA. In any other head-to-head battle, he might be the favorite to be the favorite.

But not against Embiid. And this would trouble him. And this would dominate the car ride. I don’t need that.