10 crazy ideas to liven up NBA All-Star Weekend 2018

7. An event where All-Stars play against a simulated version of themselves

I don’t mean on 2K or whatever. I know NBA players like playing as or against themselves in video games, but that’s not nearly enough. That’s just what teenagers do when they pit their create-a-players against each other, except that the game developers were kind enough to create NBA players’ characters for them.

Here’s what I’m thinking: what I want is biomechanical appendages fitted to normal-size human beings (no more than 6-foot-1, no shorter than 5-foot-7) and then motion capture is mimicked by the man-vehicle as determined by a super computer to basically be a cyborg version of whatever All-Star they’re playing against.

Do you think Russell Westbrook is good? Wait until he goes against another Westbrook with a cold, robot soul.

Draymond Green has a temper? Wait until you see a robot perform all of Draymond’s anger highlights all at once.

You think Kawhi Leonard is- actually that one is just about the same.

I feel like this would both be entertaining and might spark a debate about the legitimacy of robo-men in today’s society. Maybe stop giving them menial jobs like sweeping floors really fast or cleaning laundry with the built in martinizing attachment that comes with all 2017 model CX-547 Arm Currs.

You see, in 2016 I replaced my right index finger with a titanium upgrade. Later that year, I installed a tiny LED flashlight so that I could see things in the back of my computer better when I reached back there into my cord jungle.

Look at this threaded hell.

It’s now 2018 and I am officially 45 percent metal. I would like this portion of me to be represented in the All-Star game. Thank you.