The ultimate guide to watching the World Cup at work

8. Looking busy

Get a good idea of what you doing your job looks like from the outside. There are some superficial markers of you being “busy” that you can emulate without actually taking attention away from all the wonderful soccer that’s happening.

Are you a copy-editor? That’s the simplest. You just need to have a word doc open on your computer to type mindless sentences into. Good writers don’t even need to look at their keyboard to write their stuff. You can be staring off into the distance filling this doc with useless gibberish while staring at the game. Simple.

Or maybe you’re a graphic designer. I have no advice for that.

There’s also the sounds. Your being busy sounds a certain way. If you’re a copy editor, then it’s a pretty rhythmic tap-tap-tap that happens. Learn your cadence, and mimic it. If no one can see your monitor and you’re watching the game on there, you don’t even need to be entering that into a document. All you need is the sound. You can even disconnect your keyboard to avoid accidently hitting a shortcut.

Or maybe you’re a graphic designer. Unfortunately, I don’t know what that sounds like.

And those are the only two jobs there are. I’ve been told there are others, but I’ve yet to see any evidence of that. If these jobs do exist, please send me a picture of you working there, or I’ll just assume you’re another one of the trolls out to get me and pollute my beautiful head with false ideas. All of you are liars. Every single one of you. Get out.