World Cup Day 12 awards: Behave yourself, Ricardo Quaresma

Uruguay thrashed Russia, Egypt lost to Saudi Arabia and Spain and Portugal made it out of their group on World Cup Day 12. Let’s hand out some awards.

The final round of World Cup group stage fixtures is upon us. Uruguay cruised past Russia to take top spot in Group A, while Egypt and Saudi Arabia both finally had something to smile about in an otherwise meaningless match. Spain and Portugal didn’t excel in the Group B matches, but both did just about enough to make it to the round of 16. Let’s hand out some awards.

The Sergio Aguero Award for Simultaneous Matches: Iran 1-1 Portugal, Morocco 2-2 Spain

Group B was supposed to be a walk in the park for Spain and Portugal, their opening match to decide who would top the group. Things played out considerably differently on a wild final day. Spain did their best to lose to Morocco, only to be saved by a late Iago Aspas goal, minutes before Iran equalized against Portugal. The two goals meant that Spain went from a second-place finish that could have seen them on the same half of the knockout bracket as Brazil, Germany, France, Uruguay, Argentina and either England or Belgium to a first-place finish that will likely see them on the same side of the draw as Croatia and either Belgium or England. Thank goodness for Iago Aspas. And VAR. And Iran.

The Dino Zoff Award for Old Goalkeepers: Essam El-Hadary

If you subscribe to the second-place-is-first-loser philosophy, or even the third-place-is-second-loser philosophy, Saudi Arabia had nothing to play for against Egypt in Group A on Monday. If, however, you believe in there is more to this tournament than mere wins and losses, there was plenty to enjoy, not least the appearance of Essam El-Hadary, who at 45 years and 161 days old became the oldest man ever to play at a World Cup. Egypt have endured a mostly horrible tournament, losing all three of their matches and watching their star player grow embroiled in a bizarre political controversy, but El-Hadary provided a moment to savor, saving a first-half penalty from Fahad Al Muwallad. That, coupled with Salem Al Dawsari’s late goal, to give Saudi Arabia their first World Cup win in 24 years, provided a pleasant reminder, for all 12 of the people who weren’t watching the Uruguay-Russia game, that even the worst teams can find something to savor at the World Cup.

The Dejan Stankovic Award for Ambitious Volleys: Diego Godin

Uruguay dominated Russia to take top spot in Group A, so much so the match may as well have been called off after Igor Smolnikov was sent off in the 36th minute for his second yellow card. Then again, if it had been we wouldn’t have been treated to perhaps the most remarkable piece of skill of the tournament so far, Diego Godin lashing a volley in the general direction of Igor Akinfeev’s goal in the 68th minute. (I have positively scoured the internet to find a video of this, and it seems one doesn’t exist, so you’re just going to have to take my word for it that it happened.) Was it a shot? Was it a clearance? Does it matter? There’s a not inconsiderable contingent of people out there in the world who derive great pleasure from complaining about how underrated Godin is. Well, that one was for you. From Diego, with love.

The Michy Batshuayi Award for Perseverance: Ricardo Quaresma

Ricardo Quaresma is, as far as I’m aware, the only player in the history of this sport who is better with the outside of his right foot than he is with all of his other body parts put together. Whether that’s a compliment or an insult depends on who you ask. If you ask me, I will point you to the goal Quaresma scored against Iran on Monday to guarantee his nation’s passage to the round of 16, the sort of improbable piece of skill that can only be pulled off by a player who should never be allowed to try such skills in the first place. That’s not an answer to the question, but it is an opportunity to enjoy this goal.

The Pep Guardiola Award for How Many World Class Central Midfielders Is Too Many? Spain

There’s no way to disprove this, so I’m going to go out on a very confident limb here and suggest the midfield five Fernando Hierro selected for Spain against Morocco (Thiago Alcantara, David Silva, Sergio Busquets, Andres Iniesta and Isco) is the most technically gifted ever to appear in a World Cup match. Spain weren’t exactly convincing against Herve Renard’s side — they continue to look particularly vulnerable on the break — but the speed and quality and general effervescence of some of their passing is well beyond anything any other team in this tournament is capable of. You don’t get any points for connecting four passes in two seconds in a one-by-one yard square next to the opposition corner flag, but watching this Spain team makes me think maybe you should.