Fansided

Inside the 2020 Sports Oscars After Party

By Shea Corrigan

This picture taken early morning on February 12, 2015 shows people in a disco during an after party following a night of kizomba, a sensual Angolan dance form, at a cultural centre in Ulan Bator. Kizomba, both a dance and a style of music which developed in Angola in the late 1980s and early 1990s, is spreading across the world and now fast becoming the dance of choice with Mongolia's youth. AFP PHOTO / JOHANNES EISELE (Photo credit should read JOHANNES EISELE/AFP via Getty Images)
This picture taken early morning on February 12, 2015 shows people in a disco during an after party following a night of kizomba, a sensual Angolan dance form, at a cultural centre in Ulan Bator. Kizomba, both a dance and a style of music which developed in Angola in the late 1980s and early 1990s, is spreading across the world and now fast becoming the dance of choice with Mongolia's youth. AFP PHOTO / JOHANNES EISELE (Photo credit should read JOHANNES EISELE/AFP via Getty Images) /
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The Sports Oscars named its inaugural class of winners today. But the real party started after ceremony.

Editor’s note: This story, if it wasn’t quite obvious, is fiction. It’s pieced together from real Oscar after-party recaps, with the stars and shenanigans replaced, Madlib-style, with names and faces from the sports world.

One of the first stops as always was the Champions Ball, where the 2019 victors could get their new awards engraved. First-time winner Alex Morgan really got the party started when she grabbed a bottle of sparkling non-alcoholic cider, shook it up and popped off the cork. According to an insider, everybody cheered as she sprayed the bubbly. “She was clearly in a celebratory mood popping bottles!” the source said.

Also in the engraving room, Monday Night Football’s Black Cat posed for snaps and the viral star remained emotional and teary-eyed. She stayed at the party no more than 15 minutes.

Oscar winners seemed to be everywhere, toting their “surprisingly” heavy trophies with glee. (“I love it, it’s my favorite thing,” Simone Biles said, when asked about her prize.) And late arrival Ed Orgeron, with his director’s trophy for LSU’s championship-winning season, was one of the last revelers to head back out onto Sunset Boulevard. As he and the last stragglers downed In-N-Out burgers from a dedicated truck parked right outside, the deejay began playing dance tunes by the Future and Carly Rae Jepsen. Giannis Antetokounmpo lingered, saying hello to perfect strangers, while Alex Ovechkin, Gronk and Barry Trotz led the charge to find an after-after party.

In the early evening, U.S. Women’s National Team did a little choo choo train dance to get to the bar. Steve Ballmer prowled the rooms wearing prototypes of the new, much-talked about Microsoft personal VAR. Jurgen Klopp gave a toast on a banquette to Elena Delle Donne. Lionel Messi stripped off his bow tie in order to show a small group how to re-tie it without a mirror.

“I would not be mad if we left soon and just went home,” Kawhi Leonard reportedly told Paul George. They left soon afterwards, presumably to order takeout and watch Cheer on Netflix.

In addition to all the mingling, sipping and snacking, there of course was dancing. Inside the Champions Ball, LeBron James was spotted getting his groove on with wife Savannah and Chiney Ogwumike on the dance floor to Harry Styles “Sunflower, Vol. 6.”

“Their dance circle was definitely a highlight,” a source told FanSided. “Many people circled them to cheer and take photos and videos.”

Also in attendance was Jorge Masvidal, robbed of his Best Lead Athlete award but still ripping up the dancefloor. He fell down at one point but gracefully recovered, calling for shots of El Recuerdo Mescal, exclaiming they were “super necessary.”

Rose Lavelle was also an enthusiastic dancer, as was Katelyn Ohashi and Cris Cyborg. Blake Bortles, all three Ball brothers, Lindsay Vonn, Shaun White, Lamar Jackson, Serena and Venus Williams, Luka Doncic, Joel Embiid and Anthony Rizzo were spotted around the place too.

Unlikely friendships were made, In-N-Out burgers were eaten (James Harden was spotted leaving with one in his hand), Megan Rapinoe arrived late but posed adorably for the cameras kissing her Best Supporting Athlete statue and was forgiven.

Later, the winner had her Oscar placed on the table in front of her (next to her glass of bubbly) as guests swarmed around to give her their praises. One man even kissed her Oscar.

Antoine Griezmann watched from afar.

While waiting for drinks, the Astros’ Trash Can dropped it low to “Havana,” then passed out shots and got Peroni beers for the Patriots Film Crew. Ashlyn Harris and Ali Krieger were at the end of the bar occasionally looking over while whispering in each others’ ear, as Ashlyn helped adjust the back of Ali’s dress.

Mike Trout sipped a bottle of water while hanging out by the bar and Brian Flores — wearing flip flops — opted for a glass of red wine. Julie Ertz and Zach Ertz wore matching black and white Adidas tracksuits.

Best Supporting Actor winner Fred VanVleet was bombarded by photographers as he entered the soiree, while it took four security guards coordinating on headsets to help Patrick Mahomes exit the party.

Klay Thompson hangs out around 1 a.m. with a hodgepodge group sitting beside him on a lavish white couch. He gets a burst of energy and jolts up, only to return to lounging a few seconds later.

By 2:30 a.m. the crowd had cleared out entirely, leaving a handful of scattered strips from the two photo booths on the bars, the haze of watermelon vape in the air, and a multitude of red velvet cupcakes smashed into the plush carpeting. One bobblehead — a goodie from the dinner portion of the evening — remained on a side table, bearing an engraved quote. The line is attributed to Abraham Lincoln, America’s 16th president and the unlikely hero of the 2020 awards season. It reads:

“It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.”

More from the Sports Oscars:

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