Tokyo Olympic Village beds are literally made of cardboard to avoid ‘intimacy’

The Tokyo Olympic Village beds are made of cardboard to prevent athletes from being intimate.

If you ever wanted to see a what a mashup of a BYU dormitory and living on skid row would look like, well, the Tokyo Olympic Village has a cardboard bed for you!

There will be no touching on these cardboard beds fit for only one olympian. In an attempt to curb one’s enthusiasm in the bedroom, Tokyo did a pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty good job of tapping into the IKEA furniture space. Surely, you just open up an illegible box to assemble your cardboard bed with nothing but an Allen wrench. The Olympics are still finding ways to screw over its athletes.

This must be the only time where being small is a huge advantage when it comes to the bedroom.

There will be no good nights whatsoever in the Tokyo Olympic Village bedrooms

Despite the Tokyo Olympic Village chaperones’ beloved masking tapes’ best efforts, some national hero will become a national embarrassment after destroying one’s bed mid-slumber. That athlete is not a sinner, but a troubled soul still haunted by night terrors. It is only fitting the comforters have the worst year of our lives sewn on them like a hickey on one’s neck after a night gone awry.

When it comes to bedroom catastrophes, we are poised to see one far worse than that one time Brennan Huff and Dale Doback decided to make bunkbeds. There might be plenty of room for activities in the Tokyo Olympic Village, but not the type some were hoping for. It is going to be even harder to get to know someone because you will have to actually have a conversation with them.

Though you might be lucky enough to win a gold medal, you are not getting lucky in these beds.