Taylor Lewan and some of his teammates on the University of Michigan football team bought a pet pig last year. They named it Dr. Hamlet III (either because there’s an association between “pig” and “ham” or because the little piggy was worried his too too sullied flesh would melt, thaw, and resolve itself into a dew).
Unfortunately, the pig is with them no longer.
No, he wasn’t rendered into bacon or murdered in a dual. Lewan explained that they decided to find a better home for the pig because the tile floors were difficult for the pig to walk on, ergo forcing the little oinker to be confined to a small carpeted space.
I thought it was going to be a good deal, but I didn’t realize the hooves of a pig struggle so hard with the tile. It got in the kitchen one time, and it was like watching Bambi on the ice, if you’ve ever seen that movie. It was so comical.
A living animal can’t be confined to a small space like that. So we decided that the best thing for the pig was to give it away, and now he’s a happy pig. We sent it to a farm where it could do pig things.
The lesson, as always, is that pigs don’t make great pets.