Last week the NFL announced that the Pro Bowl is changing formats yet again. No longer will fans be treated to an uninspired all-star game featuring the AFC vs. NFC. Rather, these same players will be divided up into two teams drafted by gridiron legends Deion Sanders and Jerry Rice. You’re not fooling me Commish.
This lousy trick would only bring excitement if the players were actually lined up on a schoolyard blacktop and picked one by one, until only kickers and punters were left. But even then I wouldn’t watch the actual game. The NFL knows something is wrong with the Pro Bowl and I’m here with my five-point-plan to fix it.
1. Get rid of the new changes immediately and revert to the AFC vs. NFC format. This is not MTV Rock N’ Jock Football. There should be rhyme and reason to these teams. The NFL is rich with conference history and the Pro Bowl should reflect just that. It just makes sense, long standing historical sense. Plus, it’s more fun to watch Aaron Rogers painfully hand it off to Adrian Peterson.
2. Add skills competitions. This is by far the most important part. I want to see quarterbacks throwing at targets and chucking the ball as far they can, wide receivers catching balls and running through obstacle courses and lineman hitting practice sleds with all of their might. I would even tune in for a field goal challenge. Watching Sebastian Janikowski try to crush a 70-yarder would be far more exciting than watching players sort-of-kind-of go for tackles.
3. Make the Pro Bowl a televised weekend event. All the other sports do it and with good reason. Start off with something fun, like the celebrity flag football game on Friday night and move towards the main event on Sunday. If you film it, they will watch.
4. Leave Hawaii. I’m sure the players love the tropical vacay and it’s always a lovely story when a QB pays for his entire O-line to join him on the trip, but it’s simply not accessible to most fans. The Pro Bowl should be a place where fans of all teams can gather, party, and celebrate celebrity football culture. Miami or San Diego should do just fine.
5. Move the game back to the weekend after the Super Bowl. Not having the Super Bowl contenders involved in the festivities honoring the best players in the game makes no sense. None. At all. It would be like having an all-star game where the players played for phony teams drafted by arbitrary NFL icons rather than for the division they represent every year. Oh wait…
Welp, that’s all I got for now. If you got a better idea, let me know in the comments. Next up, I fix the Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Awards. Just kidding they’re perfect!