Another Sunday has come and gone, but before you head off to your job or class or grave — hey, I dunno what your Monday has in store for you — make sure to review the three big stories that are now essential to your life.
Dez Bryant’s tiffs with teammates
Cameras caught Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Dez Bryant yelling at teammates Tony Romo and Jason Witten on the sideline, so expect to hear a bunch of chatter this week regarding Bryant’s personal character. A laundry list of topics will be covered: Is his brand of fiery, non-wavering Resolve the type of kick-in-the-pants that can help Dallas turn the Tide on their disappointing season? Is Bryant just a prima donna who will drive a wedge into the Dallas locker room like some sort of wedge-driving maniac, hellbent on driving wedges left and right into places that shouldn’t be wedged? Does he not understand that, while we do live in a world where Google and Twitter can transform from product names into verbs, he is not technically required to yell when asking his teammates if Shout can get the stains out of his jersey? Debates must be had!
49ers beat Jaguars in London
When it comes imposing our culture on other countries and acting as if what we’re offering is irrefutably superior to the preexisting conditions, the plan to send the Jacksonville Jaguars overseas as representatives of the NFL was by far our country’s most misguided attempt of this millennium.
Washington blows lead against Denver
Traditionally speaking, a 21-7 lead halfway through the third quarter normally results in the team that’s ahead coming out on top. But luckily for the Denver Broncos, Washington isn’t a franchise known for stubbornly clinging to traditions.