As Deadspin pointed out Friday, generating traffic by way of titling articles “What time does the Super Bowl start?” is no longer an effective ruse. This is bad news if, like me, your life involves little more than sacrificing goats — metaphorical goats representing artistic integrity — at the altar of SEO. I mean, how else am I supposed to get my landlord those thousands of page views I owe him in rent? Write a post that receives attention due to its quality as a piece of writing and not just its ability to manipulate keywords? Pshaw. What do I look like, someone with talent?
All hope ain’t lost, though. See, while the “What time does the Super Bowl start?” market may be oversaturated, the “What time doesn’t the Super Bowl start?” market is entirely untapped. Boosh!
That said, I’m here to let you millions of readers know that Super Bowl XLVIII does not start a 1:42 p.m. ET on Sunday. You can go to the comments below to thank me for my invaluable service.