Ah, there’s nothing quite like sports talk radio when it comes to providing inane and offensive analysis.
Presented below is a video of intellectual heavyweights Craig Carton and Boomer Esiason discussing New York Mets second baseman Daniel Murphy. Murphy, who missed one game for the Mets last season, was recently placed on paternity leave so he could be with his wife following the birth of their child. According to Carton and Esiason, spending time with his newborn child makes Murphy selfish.
Watch (and try not to gag):
Let’s count the genius moments, shall we?
1) Carton, pathetically hedging a bit with a “this is just my sensibility” disclaimer, says Murphy should have left his wife’s side 24 hours after the birth. Why? Because since Murphy is “not breastfeeding the kid,” he obviously has no valuable way to contribute to the situation. (Emotional support for his wife? Wanting to spend a few special days with his newborn child? PSHAW! Those are bullshit reasons. Unless a child is born with some horrible defect requiring care, there’s no justifiable reason for a father to stick around after a birth. Get back to your job, bro!)
2) Esiason, in what I assume is an attempt to one-up Carton’s idiocy, says the correct call with regards to the situation would have been for Murphy and his wife to schedule a C-section before the season started. Which is totally true. I mean, think about how selfish Murphy and his wife were to decide against undergoing a medical procedure and choosing instead to have a natural birth. So inconsiderate! Sure it’s their “right” to make that decision or whatever, but choices regarding something as personal as giving birth to a child should definitely be set aside when it comes to the opening few games of a 162-game season. As Esiason puts it around the two-minute mark, missing a few games will impact the Murphy family’s finances — baseball players are paid by the hour, after all — so Mr. Murphy is actual doing a disservice to his family by taking a couple days off from work.
3) Carton, looking to the future, says he doesn’t “think” Murphy will miss two weeks of action due to paternity leave, but he wants it to be known the threat of Murphy missing so much time is a real thing. Which it isn’t. Because Major League Baseball allows players to miss up to three games for paternity leave. Which you can learn by doing a search for “MLB paternity leave.” Which takes all of 0.25 seconds.
4) Esiason concludes with a “get your ass back to work,” because, again, Murphy is clearly screwing himself out of ungodly sums of money — money that will help his kid afford college! — by missing a couple of games.
Thanks for your Hot Takes, guys. Real winning material right there.
[H/t: For the Win]